CHAPTER 6

My first quarter at Lowood seemed an age, and not the golden age either; it comprised an irksome struggle with difficulties in habituating myself to new rules and unwonted tasks. The fear of failure in these points harassed me worse than the physical hardships of my lot, though these were no trifles .

During January, February, and part of March, the deep snows, and after their melting, the almost impassable roads, prevented our stirring beyond the garden walls, except to go to church, but within these limits we had to pass an hour every day in the open air. Our clothing was insufficient to protect us from the severe cold; we had no boots, the snow got into our shoes, and melted there; our ungloved hands became numbed and covered with chilblains , as were our feet. I remember well the distracting irritation I endured from this cause every evening, when my feet inflamed , and the torture of thrusting the swelled , raw, and stiff toes into my shoes in the morning. Then the scanty supply of food was distressing: With the keen appetites of growing children we had scarcely sufficient to keep alive a delicate invalid . From this deficiency of nourishment resulted an abuse which pressed hardly on the younger pupils: whenever the famished great girls had an opportunity they would coax or menace the little ones out of their portion. Many a time I have shared between two claimants the precious morsel of brown bread distributed at tea time, and after relinquishing to a third half the contents of my mug of coffee, I have swallowed the remainder with an accompaniment of secret tears, forced from me by the exigency of hunger.

...

‘Madam, allow me an instant. You are aware that my plan in bringing up these girls is, not to accustom them to habits of luxury and indulgence , but to render them hardy, patient, self-denying. Should any little accidental disappointment of the appetite occur, such as the spoiling of a meal, the under or the over-dressing of a dish, the incident ought not to be neutralised by replacing with something more delicate the comfort lost, thus pampering the body and obviating the aim of this institution; it ought to be improved to the spiritual edification of the pupils, by encouraging them to evince fortitude under the temporary privation . A brief address on those occasions would not be mistimed, wherein a judicious instructor would take the opportunity of referring to the sufferings of the primitive Christians; to the torments of martyrs ; to the exhortations of our Blessed Lord Himself, calling upon His disciples to take up their cross and follow Him; to His warnings that man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God; to His divine consolations , “If ye suffer hunger or thirst for My sake, happy are ye.”Oh, madam, when you put bread and cheese, instead of burnt porri dge, into these children's mouths, you may indeed feed their vile bodies, but you little think how you starve their immortal souls! ’

...

Hitherto , while gathering up the discourse of Mr. Brocklehurst and Miss Temple, I had not, at the same time, neglected precautions to procure my personal safety, which I thought would be effected, if I only could elude observation. To this end, I had sat well back on the form, and while seeming to be busy with my sum, had held my slate in such a manner as to conceal my face. I might have escaped notice, had not my treacherous slate somehow happened to slip from my hand, and falling with an obtrusive crash, directly drawn every eye upon me; I knew it was all over now, and, as I stooped to pick up the two fragments of slate, I rallied my forces for the worst. It came.

‘A careless girl! 'said Mr. Brocklehurst, and immediately after—‘it is the new pupil, I perceive.'And before I could draw breath, ‘I must not forget I have a word to say respecting her.'Then aloud—how loud it seemed to me! ‘Let the child who broke her slate come forward! ’

Of my own accord, I could not have stirred: I was paralysed ; but the two great girls who sat on each side of me set me on my legs and pushed me towards the dread judge, and then Miss Temple gently assisted me to his very feet, and I caught her whispered counsel —

‘Don't be afraid, Jane, I saw it was an accident; you shall not be punished.’

The kind whisper went to my heart like a dagger .

‘Another minute and she will despise me for a hypocrite , ' thought I; and an impulse of fury against Reed, Brocklehurst, and Co. bounded in my pulses at the conviction . I was no Helen Burns.

‘Fetch that stool, 'said Mr. Brocklehurst, pointing to a very high one.

‘Place the child upon it.’

...

‘Ladies, 'said he, turning to his family, ‘Miss Temple, teachers, and children, you all see this girl? ’

Of course they did; for I felt their eyes directed like burning-glasses against my scorched skin.

‘You see she is yet young; you observe she possesses the ordinary form of childhood; God has graciously given her the shape that He has given to all of us; no single deformity points her out as a marked character. Who would think that the Evil One had already found a servant and agent in her? Yet such, I grieve to say, is the case.’

...

‘My dear children, 'pursued the black marble clergyman with pathos , ‘this is a sad, a melancholy occasion; for it becomes my duty to warn you that this girl, who might be one of God's own lambs, is a little castaway —not a member of the true flock, but evidently an interloper and an alien . You must be on your guard against her; you must shun her example—if necessary, avoid her company, exclude her from your sports, and shut her out from your converse. Teachers, you must watch her; keep your eyes on her movements, weigh well her words, scrutinize her actions, punish her body to save her soul—if, indeed, such salvation be possible, for（my tongue falters while I tell it）this girl, this child, the native of a Christian land, worse than many a little heathen who says its prayers to Brahma and kneels before Juggernaut—this girl is—a liar! ’

Now came a pause of ten minutes, during which I—by this time in perfect possession of my wits—observed all the female Brocklehursts produce their pocket-handkerchiefs and apply them to their optics , while the elderly lady swayed herself to and fro, and the two younger ones whispered, ‘How shocking! ’

...

‘Let her stand half an hour longer on that stool, and let no one speak to her during the remainder of the day.’